There are a ton of ways to improve the method we gather information from people for their lifecycle events.

A good first step is to move our wedding intake forms online.

When couples first sit down with you, you listen to their stories, and you ask them questions. You try and glean all of the important information you need to do a good job! Many rabbis have a list of questions and write down the answers as they come up in the conversation.

However, I think there is a better way. I think you should send an online wedding intake form to the couple and it should be after the first meeting.

The purpose of the first meeting.

Your first meeting is all about getting to know them. Who are they? What are their stories? When are they planning on getting married? What do they need? How can they imagine their marriage to be?

Once you’ve gotten that basic set of information, you know enough to figure out the next steps. You might be unavailable and have to give them a referral. They may want something you can’t offer. On the other hand, they might fit your schedule perfectly!

After that meeting, presuming you will be moving forward with them, you will want to gather a lot of information. This takes up valuable relationship time and I believe can be done a better way.

Focusing on what matters.

You send them a link to the online form and you instruct them to answer the questions separately. This will help you garner all of the data you need and give you the fodder for your second meeting.

During that second meeting, instead of trying to gather the answers for each questions, of which they may or may not know the answer, you can spend that time asking them about their responses. You can spend that time getting to know them and building connections. This is a far more valuable use of time.

I prefer to have them fill it out separately, as I stated, so that I can see the discrepancies between them. This leads to important conversations. Perhaps, for example, one prefers to circle the other, and one prefers no circling. Having them fill it out separately provides a chance to have that conversation.

This is the time to make it personal.

By sending them the online form and focusing on the responses instead of the quesitons, you can spend your preparation time making the second meeting personalized and tailored to the couple.

So much of what we do is systematized, which is a good thing. It helps us cut down on waste. However, when we can use those systems to provide better experiences, make people feel important and valued, and be more efficient, it is a win for everyone.

So instead of asking the questions, hoping they have answers, you can focus on what really matters.

It is better for you to get into the details of a couple’s wedding than trying to figure out how to spell their parent’s names. It is just a more valuable use of your and their time.